Into the Void

When I was a kid I used to close my eyes and stare into the darkness behind my eyelids. I remember asking my Dad if he ever did this and being met with a puzzled look, "Do I close my eyes?".

"No, like do you ever just close your eyes and try to fall further into the black? Do you see colors? I feel like I could get lost there."

I was meditating before it was a thing. Before mindfulness became a household word. I would see if I could focus on one spot in my blank mind or if I'd start free-falling into the depths. This is still one of my favorite things to do. When the world gets too loud. When life gets too heavy. I still enjoy disappearing into that void. I'll admit, it's harder and harder to do. The older I get, the more stuff I have taking up my brain.

I recently discovered that if I press my eyes against my palms (as one does when exhausted or exhasperated or overwhelmed) I can get there a lot quicker. The goal is to close your eyes without resting them. If you rest them, your brain feels the need to insert some image or memory or home movie. If you continue to LOOK when there is nothing to see... that's when the magic happens.

I have no clue why I felt compelled to share this today. Maybe because the world feels a little too loud, too demanding, too heavy right now. Maybe because I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am an empath, albeit an aggrieved one. I do not want to feel the emotions of everyone I encounter. It's too much for my nervous system. I need to reset. To disappear into that dark void far more often than I would like. Maybe, if I can show others how to find their quiet place they will spend more time there. Quiet their minds and hearts. Give mine a rest.

Maybe what the world needs right now is a time out.

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