Mary’s Story: A Life in Progress

When I first spoke with Mary, she was ready to bare it all. Names, places, dates — nothing held back. But as is often the case with survivors, she later reconsidered. The risk of exposure weighed heavier than the relief of telling. She asked that we use an alias, and that is how I will honor her here.

Mary has been in and out of therapy for more than two decades. Her chart now reads like a list she never asked for: depression, PTSD, complex PTSD, fibromyalgia, autoimmune disease. “Not happy and healthy,” she told me, “but working on it.”

Her childhood taught her early lessons about power. Both of her parents worked in the medical field, but the balance at home was never equal. Her father, shaped by cultural machismo, held control while her mother’s voice was diminished. “My dad didn’t respect my mom. That’s where I learned what to accept.” By 13, she says her parents had mostly stepped back. “They figured I had straight A’s, so I was free to go.”

As a teenager, she began carrying trauma she would never report. She was assaulted at 15 by an older student, then stalked for two years. “I told a teacher, but all he did was let me eat lunch in his room. I thought it was flirting. I thought maybe I was the problem.” She kept her silence around the police. “I never thought they would believe me, or that they would help.”

The years that followed brought relationships that mirrored those early scripts: control, coercion, secrecy, betrayal. She has been married three times, each with its own cycle of harm. Today she is filing for a protection from abuse order against her most recent husband. To stay safe, she is couch surfing while her children live elsewhere to preserve routine and stability.

Survival for Mary right now looks like small steps: keeping a roof over her head, making sure her children are safe, logging into a weekly virtual program called Yesterday’s Gone. “The only thing I don’t like is that it is scripture based and I am mainly not. But everything here is Christian based.”

When I ask what she wishes more people understood, her answer is immediate:“That there are a ton of us. And we need to talk about it—like miscarriage. These things are common, and talking about it doesn’t just create camaraderie, it creates community.”

And if she could speak to her younger self? “Forget about relationships—boys, girls, partners. Focus on you.”

Before our conversation ends, she adds one last warning: “Beware of the trauma bond. The ‘I’m messed up—you’re messed up—let’s be together!’”

Still Becoming

Mary’s story isn’t neat. It isn’t tied up with a bow. It’s still becoming. It is paperwork and therapy, heartbreak and resilience. It is a woman who carries unhealed trauma but refuses to let it define her. It is a reminder that survival is not just about what happened in the past — it’s about the choices made every day to keep going.

If you or someone you know may be experiencing relationship violence or sexual assault:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat at thehotline.org

• RAINN: National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673) or chat at hotline.RAINN.org

This interview was conducted and shared as part of the Survivor Voices series. Read the full series on Trina-Kay.com